Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold on You

[archerships]

Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold on You

Extract from There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Here are seven suggestions to help you transcend ingrained ideas of self-importance. All of these are designed to help prevent you from falsely identifying with the self-important ego.

1. Stop being offended.

The behavior of others isn’t a reason to be immobilized. That which offends you only weakens you. If you’re looking for occasions to be offended, you’ll find them at every turn. This is your ego at work convincing you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is. But you can become an appreciator of life and match up with the universal Spirit of Creation. You can’t reach the power of intention by being offended. By all means, act to eradicate the horrors of the world, which emanate from massive ego identification, but stay in peace. As A Course in Miracles reminds us: Peace is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place and leads to attack, counterattack, and war.

2. Let go of your need to win.

Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid conscious contact with intention. Why? Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time. Someone out there will be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter-and back you’ll go to feeling worthless and insignificant.

You’re not your winnings or your victories. You may enjoy competing, and have fun in a world where winning is everything, but you don’t have to be there in your thoughts. There are no losers in a world where we all share the same energy source. All you can say on a given day is that you performed at a certain level in comparison to the levels of others on that day. But today is another day, with other competitors and new circumstances to consider. You’re still the infinite presence in a body that’s another day (or decade) older. Let go of needing to win by not agreeing that the opposite of winning is losing. That’s ego’s fear. If your body isn’t performing in a winning fashion on this day, it simply doesn’t matter when you aren’t identifying exclusively with your ego. Be the observer, noticing and enjoying it all without needing to win a trophy. Be at peace, and match up with the energy of intention. And ironically, although you’ll hardly notice it, more of those victories will show up in your life as you pursue them less.

3. Let go of your need to be right.

Ego is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong. When you’re hostile, you’ve disconnected from the power of intention. The creative Spirit is kind, loving, and receptive; and free of anger, resentment, or bitterness. Letting go of your need to be right in your discussions and relationships is like saying to ego, I’m not a slave to you. I want to embrace kindness, and I reject your need to be right. In fact, I’m going to offer this person a chance to feel better by saying that she’s right, and thank her for pointing me in the direction of truth.

When you let go of the need to be right, you’re able to strengthen your connection to the power of intention. But keep in mind that ego is a determined combatant. I’ve seen people end otherwise beautiful relationships by sticking to their need to be right. I urge you to let go of this ego-driven need to be right by stopping yourself in the middle of an argument and asking yourself, Do I want to be right or be happy? When you choose the happy, loving, spiritual mood, your connection to intention is strengthened. These moments ultimately expand your new connection to the power of intention. The universal Source will begin to collaborate with you in creating the life you were intended to live.

4. Let go of your need to be superior.

True nobility isn’t about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be. Stay focused on your growth, with a constant awareness that no one on this planet is any better than anyone else. We all emanate from the same creative life force. We all have a mission to realize our intended essence; all that we need to fulfill our destiny is available to us. None of this is possible when you see yourself as superior to others. It’s an old saw, but nonetheless true: we are all equal in the eyes of God. Let go of your need to feel superior by seeing the unfolding of God in everyone. Don’t assess others on the basis of their appearance, achievements, possessions, and other indices of ego. When you project feelings of superiority that’s what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostile feelings. These feelings become the vehicle that takes you farther away from intention. A Course in Miracles addresses this need to be special and superior: Special ness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive.

5. Let go of your need to have more.

The mantra of ego is more. It’s never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, your ego will insist that it isn’t enough. You’ll find yourself in a perpetual state of striving, and eliminate the possibility of ever arriving. Yet in reality you’ve already arrived, and how you choose to use this present moment of your life is your choice. Ironically, when you stop needing more, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life. Since you’re detached from the need for it, you find it easier to pass it along to others, because you realize how little you need in order to be satisfied and at peace.

The universal Source is content with itself, constantly expanding and creating new life, never trying to hold on to its creations for its own selfish means. It creates and lets go. As you let go of ego’s need to have more, you unify with that Source. You create, attract to yourself, and let it go, never demanding that more come your way. As an appreciator of all that shows up, you learn the powerful lesson St.Francis of Assisi taught:”…it is in giving that we receive.” By allowing abundance to flow to and through you, you match up with your Source and guarantee that this energy will continue to flow.

6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements.

This may be a difficult concept if you think you are your achievements. God writes all the music, God sings all the songs, God builds all the buildings, God is the source of all your achievements. I can hear your ego loudly protesting. Nevertheless, stay tuned to this idea. All emanates from Source! You and that Source are one! You’re not this body and its accomplishments. You are the observer. Notice it all; and be grateful for the abilities you’ve accumulated. But give all the credit to the power of intention, which brought you into existence and which you’re a materialized part of. The less you need to take credit for your achievements and the more connected you stay to the seven faces of intention, the more you’re free to achieve, and the more will show up for you. It’s when you attach yourself to those achievements and believe that you alone are doing all of those things that you leave the peace and the gratitude of your Source.

7. Let go of your reputation.

Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations. Connecting to intention means listening to your heart and conducting yourself based on what your inner voice tells you is your purpose here. If you’re overly concerned with how you’re going to be perceived by everyone, then you’ve disconnected yourself from intention and allowed the opinions of others to guide you. This is your ego at work. It’s an illusion that stands between you and the power of intention. There’s nothing you can’t do, unless you disconnect from the power source and become convinced that your purpose is to prove to others how masterful and superior you are and spend your energy attempting to win a giant reputation among other egos. Do what you do because your inner voice always connected to and grateful to your Source-so directs you. Stay on purpose, detach from outcome, and take responsibility for what does reside in you: your character. Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you. Or as a book title says: What You Think of Me Is None of My Business!

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Original: craschworks - comments

Comments

[madbard.livejournal.com]

... Did you leave yourself logged in on a public computer?

[ersigh.livejournal.com]

It's like "the four agreements" only with way too many words and less poetry like.

[greendalek.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[pasquin.livejournal.com]

If I let go of those things, I'd have nothing left.

[amoken.livejournal.com]

I think the problem is that it's using different meanings of "let go", a horribly ambiguous metaphorical phrase to which self-help-y people have grown obnoxiously "attached". In different places above I think it's trying to say "just don't do X", "don't obsess about X", and "you're not defined by X".

I probably wouldn't agree with the whole thing even if it were rewritten, but at least it makes a little more sense when I rephrase it in my head. I'm going to pretend it says "react rationally to other people and be open to change", nod in agreement, and be on my way.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

no way in hell will i ever let go of my need to win and base my identity on those achievements. that's how i push myself to be awesome. this list could have been a lot better if it was just 1 and 7.

[jaine-parr.livejournal.com]

You are what you did? I don't see myself that way, I see myself as becoming, but not finished. It's a never ending process, but I don't look back and count up what I have done. I'm looking forward to what I will do next.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

i don't see why i can't be what i did and what i'm becoming. they're not mutually exclusive, and i deserve the right to revel in my victory while i plot my next outrageous goal.

[jaine-parr.livejournal.com]

I never said you couldn't. I said I didn't.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

perhaps you should!

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

That sounds . . . hectic! I have a book recommendation for you .. . Radical Acceptance.

Why do you think you wouldn't be awesome if you didn't push yourself or orient yourself toward winning? Why do you think you wouldn't 'do' if you weren't oriented toward winning?

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

obviously i need more jesus. radical acceptance sounds like a good way to end up complacent and average.

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

It isn't about jesus at all, actually.

And I disagree re radical acceptance = complacent and average, the woman that wrote the book is far from it. Most people that are buddhist in that way are far from average and complacent. And, thinking taht acceptance means doing nothing, is..

The book describes some common misunderstandings about radical acceptance:

* It is not resignation.
* It does not mean defining ourselves by our limitations. It is not an excuse for withdrawal.
* It is not self-indulgence.
* It does not make us passive.
* It doesn’t mean accepting a “self”.

http://www.sophisticatedrelationships.com/blog/?p=69 a summary of part of the book

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

i'm not sure what gave you the impression that i am in any way unhappy or looking for a self-help fix, so no thanks.

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

Didn't think you were unhappy. I was trying to clarify what radical acceptance means, since it does not mean being complacent, and really, for the concept to be attached to being average, most people would have to do that, and most people don't.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

you were trying to clarify what radical acceptance means when you recommended a book to someone you don't even know? oh ok.

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

The clairifaction is to your response to my initial comment. The apology is for my initial comment. It that more clear?

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

totally clear. i was just being sassy and annoyed.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

did you not read my first comment? i don't agree with the advice in this post.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

lol you are trying way too hard to make something out of nothing. maybe you need to read #4 again a few times.

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

Thinking about it some, I can see why you would think I think that you might be unhappy at my book recommendation, so your response makes sense, anyway, sorry for recommending something without asking if you a) wanted the recommendation and b) if you wanted a different way of looking at it-- ie why some people still acheive without having their identity in their acheivements.

[nelliebelle.livejournal.com]

i radically accept this explanation

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

The person that recommended the book to me certainly kicks ass and takes names, and since she embraced some of the concepts in the book has actually been able to do *more* with her life than before.

[istar.livejournal.com]

All good points, though I don't agree with the explanations (Universal Source? c'mon...)

[crasch.livejournal.com]

Agreed. The religious flim flam is unnecessary.

[vyus.livejournal.com]

these things are useful to me regardless of origin or nomenclature used because, inevitably and regardless of the version i agree with, i always forget.

damnables, i always forget.

so to be reminded in any capacity is a gift.

you wacko.

[danlyke.livejournal.com]

I think I've gotten as far as #1, though I think in light of that many of the rest are redundant, but the most powerful tool I've given myself was retraining the "offended" reflex to say "thank you", no matter my immediate reaction. This gives me both time to think about why I'm offended, and lets me recast the hurt into some understanding of how my mental model of myself was internally inconsistent.

On madbardmadbard's query, I've found myself torn recently between looking at the ends and beliefs of many organizations and individuals from the "self-help" era and movement, and looking at the techniques and what some of those things have wrought in me. There's an incident in my life a decade and a half ago that was a total cusp, changed a deep descending depression into an arc that's been going up pretty much up since then, but the techniques used have a lot in common with several movements and organizations that are much maligned now.

I think it's important when looking at Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, and even Scientology, to separate out the portion that we like to mock, or even denigrate, from the realization that this stuff wouldn't be so freakin' popular if it wasn't effective.

[jaine-parr.livejournal.com]

Just had an 'AHA' moment.

The true step one is to recognize that ego is keeping you from being/doing/achieving.

[other.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of something David DeAngelo said: Maybe our desire to be original is unoriginal.

That is, our self-importance is genetic and we really only hold on to our uniqueness because we're born that way.

[seanlynch.livejournal.com]

I started reading The Power of Intention but had to put it down because it was just too "spiritual" for me. How did you come across Dyer, if I may ask?