I Think You’re Fat

[archerships]

A fun little article on Radical Honesty. Via patrissimo.

This story is about something called Radical Honesty. It may change your life. (But honestly, we don’t really care.)

Here’s the truth about why I’m writing this article:

I want to fulfill my contract with my boss. I want to avoid getting fired. I want all the attractive women I knew in high school and college to read it. I want them to be amazed and impressed and feel a vague regret over their decision not to have sex with me, and maybe if I get divorced or become a widower, I can have sex with them someday at a reunion. I want Hollywood to buy my article and turn it into a movie, even though they kind of already made the movie ten years ago with Jim Carrey. I want to get congratulatory e-mails and job offers that I can politely decline. Or accept if they’re really good. Then get a generous counteroffer from my boss.

Original: craschworks - comments

Comments

[ladykalana.livejournal.com]

WOW. I read that entire article, and it's borderline terrifying. I'm all for reducing the amount of lies in this world, and by all means I'd prefer to work and live in realms that require a minimum of ass-kissing and game-playing, but much of what Blanton delightedly advocates is so very cruel. I feel sorry for the people Jacobs encountered during his experiment, the nanny and the Rachel Ray magazine editor in particular. I know I could not happily share a meal with someone who was being so inappropriate. I've worked with people who have no censor, namely my boss at UNC, and it was hellish. There is much good in living an honest life, but that is not the only qualification for virtuous communication. I prefer the "is it true, kind, and necessary" test; I think there would be a whole lot less talking all round if we all adhered to that, and that's probably a good thing.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

"is it true, kind, and necessary"

A good rule of thumb, I think.

[azalynn.livejournal.com]

This article came up on a BBS discussion recently (I'm a member of an old-ass text-based BBS system with a bunch of other nerds). And while I personally think that there's WAY too much BS in social relations these days, I don't think that "shooting your mouth off about every impulse that happens to drift out of your id" constantly is the same thing as Being Honest. I do think that when people ask for my opinion, they shouldn't expect any punches to be pulled, but I don't see the point of wandering around giving unsolicited opinions or babbling my bizarro internal monologue all over the place.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

I agree. As someone else pointed out, at any given time, there are an infinite number of truths you could be saying. There's no reason to pick the least flattering or most hurtful truths to say.

[zanfur.livejournal.com]

That's pretty close to what I do. Or did. I tried to eradicate all lies from my life a few years ago. I still lie in games (such as poker) and to beggars. For a while, I'd actually tell beggars the truth, that I *did* have money but wasn't going to give it away, and one of them almost attacked me. So I started lying to beggars again. Or simply not responding, when that was a reasonable option, which it usually is.

He's right, it really is quite liberating, and people do respond in kind (or get horrified and never speak to you again). You also learn a lot about yourself, and others, in the exchange.

Unlike Blanton, I'm generally nice when I'm honest. Actually, I'd call it "respectful". I call what I do "brutal honesty", but the idea is that I'm brutal to myself, not others. For example, you can say, "This coffee tastes like shit," or you can say, "You know, the coffee here is usually really bad." One statement is confrontational, the other is a simple statement of your own beliefs, yet they both communicate the same thing. (That's not really true: the first statement conveys a negative emotion, and the second one -- usually -- does not.)

I've pulled that way back, though, and now I tell people that they're pretty when they're not, that they sang well when they didn't, etc. I'm not sure if I like myself more or less for it. I used to be the guy you'd ask when you wanted the straight scoop, no bullshit. I liked that. But, I also used to be the guy that everyone hated, because I didn't shy away from any confrontation. I didn't like that so much.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

I never really learned tact till I left home (having a father who worships brutal honesty and 3 brothers who all try to outwit each other will do this, I guess). I still am the person people ask for the straight shooting, but I have learned how to be diplomatic about it. Except on the internet, heh.