Yet to keep giving, gifts in this case, without reciprocity is slavish. Perhaps without an explicit quid pro quo, but the expectation that a favorable response does not diminish the gesture?
Yet to keep giving, gifts in this case, without reciprocity is slavish.
Agreed. You have to consider it in the context of an overall relationship. As you say, it's not healthy to tally every exchange, but neither is it healthy to continue to give without reciprocation. If the recipient fails to reciprocate, then I agree that one should redirect one's resources to those who do reciprocate. After all, a gift signals "I like you, I'm your ally, and I want you to be in my life." An unreciprocated gift signals the opposite. And why would you continue associate with someone who sends that message?
But I also think it's unhealthy to feel anger or resentment if one's gift is not immediately reciprocated or not in the way one would prefer. A flexible and generous response window is probably the best strategy.
I think the most hideous example of that is when people apparently 'rescue' an animal from a Shelter then feel justified in e.g. having its claws removed because it 'owes' them.
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archerships
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Date: 2009-11-23 07:27 pm (UTC)Yet to keep giving, gifts in this case, without reciprocity is slavish. Perhaps without an explicit quid pro quo, but the expectation that a favorable response does not diminish the gesture?
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 07:53 pm (UTC)Agreed. You have to consider it in the context of an overall relationship. As you say, it's not healthy to tally every exchange, but neither is it healthy to continue to give without reciprocation. If the recipient fails to reciprocate, then I agree that one should redirect one's resources to those who do reciprocate. After all, a gift signals "I like you, I'm your ally, and I want you to be in my life." An unreciprocated gift signals the opposite. And why would you continue associate with someone who sends that message?
But I also think it's unhealthy to feel anger or resentment if one's gift is not immediately reciprocated or not in the way one would prefer. A flexible and generous response window is probably the best strategy.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-26 11:33 am (UTC)