Stalking defense

[archerships]

A disturbing number of women I know are being harassed and threatened by men who won't take no for an answer. Although circumstances vary, and I'm by no means an expert on the subject, here's what I would do if I were in a similar situation:

1. Learn. AWARE (Arming Women Against Rape or Endangerment) has a very useful list of resources . AWARE's book, Safety for Stalking Victims: How to Save Your Privacy, Your Sanity, and Your Life may be a good place to start.

2. Buy a gun and learn how to use it. Take the following NRA Basic Firearm Training Classes: "Basic Pistol", "Personal Protection", and "Home Firearm Safety". Consider applying for a concealed weapons permit.

3. Document. Keep a journal. Note the time, location, people present, and behavior of any interactions between you and attacker. Save e-mails, letters, gifts, phone messages. Take pictures of any injuries or property damage. Tape your phone calls. Contact your attorney to find out how to best set up the recording apparatus to maximize it's effectiveness as legal evidence.

4. Surround yourself with friends/family. Avoid dark, poorly lit pathways. If you live alone, consider getting a roommate. Consider also getting a large dog, such as a mastiff, rottweiler, or german shepherd.

5. Talk. Tell your families and friends what is happening. Establish routine contact with family or friends so that they will know if you're missing. Tell friends where you will be, and when you expect to be back. Carry a cell phone with you at all times.

6. Avoid. Don't respond in any way to the stalker's attempts to maintain contact. If possible, avoid places where you are likely to meet the attacker. If you can afford it, get a second unlisted phone number. (You can use the original number to document the stalker's phone behavior). Set up a separate e-mail account that you only give out to friends and family.

7. Consider taking a IMPACT/Model Mugging class. From the course description: "... In an emotionally supportive environment, you will practice both verbal and physical skills with our fully padded mock assailant. With this unique physical training method you can deliver full force, full contact, knock out blows to vulnerable areas on the padded assailant's body in dynamic, interactive fights. Training also includes verbal self defense strategies practiced in role playing scenarios in a wide variety of contexts - dealing with strangers as well as people you know..."

8. Wait. According to the National Violence Against Women Survey (NVAW) (as cited by this site: ):

"...In the United States of America, about two-thirds of all stalking cases last a year or less, about a quarter last 2-5 years, and about a tenth last more than 5 years.

On average, stalking cases last 1.8 years. (21 months)

However, stalking cases involving current or former intimate partners last, on average, significantly longer than stalking cases involving nonintimate partners (2.2 years and 1.1 years, respectively)..."

From the same site, stalking stops because:

The victim moved 19%
The stalker got a new love interest 18%
Police warned stalker 15%
Victim talked to stalker 10%
Stalker was arrested 9%
Stalker moved 7%
Stalker got help 6%
Victim got a new love interest 4%
The stalker died 4%
Unexplained - it just stopped 1%
Stalker was convicted of a crime 1%


What other steps do you readers recommend?

(Image courtesy of the inimitable Oleg Volk. )

Comments

[kittles.livejournal.com]

I knew there was a reason I liked you. Great post.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked it.

[tinymammoth.livejournal.com]

I agree with all of this. I thought "Gift of Fear" was a good book, although DeBecker's superstitious fear of firearms is very annoying. He talks a lot about listening to your intuition about threats. He also emphasizes what you say about avoiding the stalker.

Model Mugging changed my life. It really helped me to change a lot of fearful lizard-brain imprinting about how to deal with a threat, removing the "cower" reflex I had picked up.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

I wish there were a Model Mugging class near Raleigh. I'd like to take it myself. Should've done it when I lived in Palo Alto and had the chance...oh well.

[psychomagnet.livejournal.com]

I know I was part of the reason you researched this, and I just want to say thanks.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. Unfortunately, I know at least 3 other women in similar situations, including a close relative. Hope it was helpful.

[neuroptik78.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this....
I'm a generally peacefull person,
but have been the victim of violence,
I won't be so again....

[crasch.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! What happened to the person that attacked you?

[neuroptik78.livejournal.com]

He was my sister's boyfriend... He ended up
going to prison shortly after for robbery...
I never brought the matter to the police, I
was almost 16 and scared....

Well written . . .

[adderyn.livejournal.com]

The NRA also has a class called " Refuse to be a victim" ( or similar) that should cover this type of thing, and other problems a person may deal with such as muggings etc.
When documenting, always make copies if possible, and keep a set in a safe place. Print out all e-mails, IM logs, etc. so that you have hard copy. Don't rely on the security of your computer alone.
When contacting the police about it, based upon what was specifically said and local laws they might not always have enough to get a warrant to arrest the person.
At the very least ask them to document the situation in a report, and get those report numbers.
Use the system to your advantage.
A court issued "stay away" or "no contact" order (sometimes called a "peace warrant")is relatively easy to obtain, and can often be done at little or no cost. Furthermore, most violations of these orders are considered criminal in nature, and can result in jail time.
Check your local laws for exact details.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the pointers. I imagine in your line of work you see a lot of this kind of thing. How often do "no contact" orders get violated?

It depends on the guy . . .

[adderyn.livejournal.com]

(Sorry for the late response)
Some guys take it, and never violate, some violate once or twice before they get tired of getting arrested, and some keep on doing it.
Though it's not just the guys. . .
We had one where the woman kept inviting the guy back, then getting mad and calling us every week.
The first time we took the guy's house keys, served him the stay away papers, and sent him on his way. The next time we locked him up, and gave his keys (same set we took the previous time) back to the woman.
The third time I took the set of keys from him again, sent him packing, and told her next time I'd lock them both up for violating it.
Yes he should have known better to be there, but at the same time she got the order, she should obey it too.
Oh and when I did lock him up, I found out he had a previous conviction for violating a stay away order taken out by the same woman 9 years prior.

[elleseebee.livejournal.com]

*applauds*

[visgoth.livejournal.com]

Seems to me that based on the numbers presented, the best solution is to move.

[pilarcruz.livejournal.com]

Great post. Here's a question from the dumb part of me. How did you link the image to your journal? I'd like to spread the word.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

(In what follows below, replace the square brackets ([]) with angle brackets(<>). I changed them so that LJ wouldn't render them as html tags. )

You need to find out the URL of the img. In windows, you can do that by right clicking on the image, then selecting "Copy Image Location". Although it's not required, it helps pages load faster if you include the width and height tags. You can find this information by right clicking on the picture, then selectign "Properties". Once you have the URL, width, and height tags, paste something like the following into your new web page where you want the image to appear:

[img src=http://www.openknowledge.org/pictures/defense/s_alive.jpg width=371 height=500 alt="call 911"]

The alt flag allows you to add a text description of the photo; when browsers pass their mouse over the picture, the text will appear. It's also helpful for those surfing the web with text only browsers.

If you want to link an image to a website, you must further embed it in and link, like so:

[a href=http://www.a-human-right.org][img src=http://www.openknowledge.org/pictures/defense/s_alive.jpg width=371 height=500 alt="call 911"][/a]