Sing it brother!

[archerships]

(Via tinymammoth) colinmarshall writes:

I believe that free markets can solve not just every one of my problems both personal and professional, but every problem that has ever afflicted anyone -- or anything -- on this blessed planet Earth. Not only can -- and will -- unrestricted commerce ensure the presence of a piping hot burrito in my hand at any hour of the day I feel appropriate, but they can shut up crying babies on the bus, let everyone sleep in a little bit later and make pants more comfortable.

When finally allowed to operate on a global scale, not only will libertarianism transform our tattered society into a genuine, flawless utopia, it will create what I like to call a supertopia. Simply put, this means that every living individual will exist in a state of perpetually increasing bliss, every moment exponentially happier and more productive than the last. The general concept of free markets will have a hand in this, though most of the effect will be a direct result of the privatization of roads.

Above all, we must never forget that each and every action any government has ever taken has been tantamount to a brutal scissoring of the very fabric of joy, liberty and the pursuit of a flat panel television. For every undeserved dollar handed out by some profligate, bleeding-heart welfare state, an apple-cheeked child -- so young, so bright, so filled with potential -- bursts immediately into flame. The usage of public money to build a bridge or a fire department, by the same token, usually results in an infant mass grave. How long will it take for the deluded, short-sighted proponents of government spending to realize this? How many innocent lives must be lost?

What every single gibbering, brain-damaged critic of free markets doesn't realize is that the unrestrained exercise of capitalism will lead to a literal rain of money from the skies, enabling the indigent to near-instantly transform themselves into fulfilled, materially endowed members of the middle -- or, much more likely, upper -- class.

At the end of the day, the only question worth asking is this: why is everyone so monumentally, staggeringly stupid except libertarians?

Comments

[pandashrugged.livejournal.com]

Preach it, sister!

You are forgetting one thing. For all rational people, the world would become a better place. For those who live in a fog of evasiveness, the moochers, the looters, their utopia will end. Don't forget, the majority of a your problems come from infringement on your rights. The majority of Bob's problems come from his unwillingness to make decisions, exert effort, etc. Bob and his three darling little children will starve together with his Oprah-watching wife and the unborn brat-to-be. I won't shed too many tears. But it is Bob's children that we value above or burrito, Bob's wife's entitlement above our own kids' private school education, and Bob's needs and wishes above our pursuit of plasma entertainment.

[candid.livejournal.com]

Nice use of "looters". But the original was funnier!

[pacotelic.livejournal.com]

You owe me for a new tongue!

[mindwalker.livejournal.com]

Is this person serious, or just parodying libertarians? If the former, the point of view expressed is pretty much what I believe, though I've been ridiculed frequently by non-libertarians for such "utopian" beliefs about the free market, so it makes me wonder...

[candid.livejournal.com]

You pretty much believe

For every undeserved dollar handed out by some profligate, bleeding-heart welfare state, an apple-cheeked child -- so young, so bright, so filled with potential -- bursts immediately into flame. The usage of public money to build a bridge or a fire department, by the same token, usually results in an infant mass grave.

?

[mindwalker.livejournal.com]

Nah, everything except for those two sentences, which made me slightly concerned the writer might be making fun of people like me ;)

Actually, I don't believe that free markets will guarantee happiness - hell, I find plenty of ways to get depressed about things even in our relatively capitalistic society - but I agree with the general sentiment and definitely think they'd vastly improve my chances for wealth and happiness.

[pjammer.livejournal.com]

If you don't know you are being made fun of, you are exactly the zealot he was mocking.

I mean seriously. "Everything except for those two sentences?"

So you agree with

What every single gibbering, brain-damaged critic of free markets doesn't realize is that the unrestrained exercise of capitalism will lead to a literal rain of money from the skies.

Oh wait. You'll reply "ok, well everything except that and what's quoted above."

Heh.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

I actually think the first paragraph is completely true:

1. ensure the presence of a piping hot burrito in my hand at any hour of the day I feel appropriate,

2. but they can shut up crying babies on the bus,

3. let everyone sleep in a little bit later

4. and make pants more comfortable.

The latter paragraphs are of course, a brilliant sendup of some libertarian zealots (cough) tendency to ascribe every evil to the state.

Except for the last sentence. That one is also completely true.

[the23.livejournal.com]

you could rain money on most middle and lower class americans and they still wouldn't be upper class.

[selfishgene.livejournal.com]

I haven't figured out a way to blame relationship burnout on the state. Everything else, especially death and taxes, can be.