Sex without love may be an empty experience; but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

[archerships]

Via smjayman

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a
sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know
what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

Comments

[kitnish.livejournal.com]

My favorite, from polyanarch, "Sex isn't everything, but it's a good way to pass time between meals." :D

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

Damn. Lots of comedians hate the opposite sex.

[chutzpahgirl.livejournal.com]

Probably because they're not getting laid. And they're not getting laid because of their statements.

[halleyscomet.livejournal.com]

I've heard it claimed that, as a profession, comedy tends to attract people who have issues with intimacy, and use laughter as a means of relating to people and keeping a certain distance.

According to the actual Dr on Love Line (whose data is based on having interviewed many comics on the air) mentally based sexual problems are very high among comics of both sexes. Margaret Cho, for example, claims to have difficulty having an orgasm and "forgets to masturbate for weeks on end."

Of course I have nothing but heresy to back this up, so take it with the appropriate quantity of salt.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that's how Roseanne got married three times.

I wish I remembered the names of the few comedians who actually seemed to like the opposite sex. One woman told the women in the audience to give us a break and buy a guy a drink, because she knew it cost us $5 just to say hello, and another $20 just to get the wrong phone number. And hey, she had a boyfriend.

If there are any men behind the mic who have made such welcome statements about women, then I imagine women are better-equipped to spot them than I would be.

[sofaking-par.livejournal.com]

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart
I've never laughed and cried at the same sentence.