Vibrator Double Standard
2003-04-11 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
archershipsEugene Volokh wonders:
"...So here's a circumstance I've wondered about. Imagine that a close single female friend (just a friend) mentioned to you that she has a vibrator that's shaped like a highly stylized penis. It's not too anatomically correct, just a normal vibrator. Assume that this came up in a suitable context, for example when something -- a store you're driving by, a joke you hear on the radio, a blog post you've just read -- naturally raised the question, so it didn't just come out of the blue ("You say you're out of batteries? Speaking of batteries, I just LOVE my vibrator!"). What would you think?
I suspect that in my general circle -- coastal, relatively socially liberal professionals -- most people wouldn't think much of it. We expect that many women use vibrators occasionally. We've heard about them often enough that they're hardly shocking. If anything, some men might find the idea a bit exciting, perhaps because they see it as a sign that the woman is at ease with her sexuality.
OK, now imagine that a close single male friend (just a friend) mentioned to you, under similar circumstances, that he has a vibrator that's shaped like a stylized vagina. What would you think then?
My sense is that many people will think it's a bit icky, in some hard to pin down way. Not everyone would; some people won't care. But I think that a much higher fraction of people -- again, at least people in my social circle -- would be put off by the idea of a man using a vagina-shaped vibrator than a woman using a penis-shaped vibrator. It wouldn't be entirely like a man saying that he has an anatomically correct blow-up doll in his closet (remember Dennis Hopper in River's Edge?); our negative reaction to that, I think, would also be influenced by the greater ridiculousness of the visual image (sorry if you hadn't visualized this until this point, and have now done so and regret it). Still, it seems to me that some part of the reaction to the doll would also apply even to the vibrator.
Is that so, and, if it is, then why? Why is this sort of sexuality seen as fine for women but not for men? I have a few thoughts, which I'll probably blog Monday. But let me know yours (though as usual with these calls-for-responses, if I get a whole bunch of them, I might be unable to respond individually to each)...."
"...So here's a circumstance I've wondered about. Imagine that a close single female friend (just a friend) mentioned to you that she has a vibrator that's shaped like a highly stylized penis. It's not too anatomically correct, just a normal vibrator. Assume that this came up in a suitable context, for example when something -- a store you're driving by, a joke you hear on the radio, a blog post you've just read -- naturally raised the question, so it didn't just come out of the blue ("You say you're out of batteries? Speaking of batteries, I just LOVE my vibrator!"). What would you think?
I suspect that in my general circle -- coastal, relatively socially liberal professionals -- most people wouldn't think much of it. We expect that many women use vibrators occasionally. We've heard about them often enough that they're hardly shocking. If anything, some men might find the idea a bit exciting, perhaps because they see it as a sign that the woman is at ease with her sexuality.
OK, now imagine that a close single male friend (just a friend) mentioned to you, under similar circumstances, that he has a vibrator that's shaped like a stylized vagina. What would you think then?
My sense is that many people will think it's a bit icky, in some hard to pin down way. Not everyone would; some people won't care. But I think that a much higher fraction of people -- again, at least people in my social circle -- would be put off by the idea of a man using a vagina-shaped vibrator than a woman using a penis-shaped vibrator. It wouldn't be entirely like a man saying that he has an anatomically correct blow-up doll in his closet (remember Dennis Hopper in River's Edge?); our negative reaction to that, I think, would also be influenced by the greater ridiculousness of the visual image (sorry if you hadn't visualized this until this point, and have now done so and regret it). Still, it seems to me that some part of the reaction to the doll would also apply even to the vibrator.
Is that so, and, if it is, then why? Why is this sort of sexuality seen as fine for women but not for men? I have a few thoughts, which I'll probably blog Monday. But let me know yours (though as usual with these calls-for-responses, if I get a whole bunch of them, I might be unable to respond individually to each)...."
no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 06:51 pm (UTC)But I delight in being non-representative. I look forward to seeing other responses.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 07:27 pm (UTC)1. Male sexuality is ugly, intrusive, and politically incorrect.
2. Female sexuality is beautiful and liberated and even desirable.
2a. A man purchasing a device proves that that all men think about is sex.
2b. A woman purchasing a device proves that women like sex too.
3a. The mental image of a man masturbating is distasteful.
3b. The mental image of a woman masturbating is tasteful.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 08:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 11:48 pm (UTC)There are other possibilities. A penis shaped vibrator seems somewhat "removed" from a body, but a vagina has to be "scooped out". Kinda gross. Maybe just to me? Also, sociologically speaking, vibrators of all sorts are kind of geared towards men. In sex shops the packaging is all done up with big busted actresses as if buying this contraption will turn the man's girlfriend into pamela anderson lee. It seems normal for a girl to use one. Guys maybe don't want to peer into other guys masturbatory practices.
Very random and not thought out musings.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-12 12:10 am (UTC)Not always, of course, but I think this is the majority trend.
So, in some sense, women define sex, and the man is just providing a tool for her. Take away the man, you still have sex, just with a different tool. Take away the woman, you just have a tool and no sex.
For me, a woman with a dildo is as erotic (though not as pleasurable) as a woman with me, because for me eroticism is about her, not me. Conversely, me with a rubber vagina--that's just icky because it is physicality without eroticism. Normally one would just assume this a male bias, but again I think there's an inherent assymetry here. (I'm sure some women would swear me wrong, but only a broad poll would answer this; I'd be curious to know myself.)
Take the question down to a more basic level: how many people (men and women) fantasize about women masturbating vs. men masturbating? Or, more generally:
I would venture that most straight, non zoophilic men amd women both fantasize predominently about women alone, women with women, and women with men, but rarely if ever about men (being sexual) alone.
LJ poll, anyone? (To be fair, the question would need to exclude roll-reversal fantasies.)
Dunno, could be totally wrong on this one, but it's my hunch.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-12 04:10 am (UTC)The tip of the iceberg
Date: 2003-04-12 04:12 am (UTC)When it comes to sex men run the double standard of not being emotional. If I told a women that I just wanted to be "sexy" or desirable. She would think 'does he really say that out loud.' Instead I say 'lets go screw.' or something to that effect.
Women can be try to be sexy but not speak the desire to have sex. "If a women says "Wow that guy has great pecs , Id like to slide right over that."
In most circles she would be thought of as a slut. A man can never be a slut ?
Double standards abound in all genres of sexaulity.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-18 01:54 pm (UTC)