Passion Vs. Comfort: Do You Have to Have Fireworks to Have a Successful Relationship?

[archerships]

It’s not impossible to have ANY passion with comfort or ANY comfort with passion. It’s that the two don’t coexist easily. The very thing that ignites passion is friction and instability. Once again, look at your past. Passion is usually brief, intense and rocky. Comfort, on the other hand, tends to be softer and more nurturing.

Comfort, therefore, is not nearly as exciting, but it tends to last longer. Studies say that passion usually dissipates in 18-24 months. Which is why people who expect their passion to last for 40 years, in essence, are trying to defy the laws of nature.

via evanmarckatz.com

Posted via email from crasch's posterous

Comments

[istar.livejournal.com]

Idk... I think there are a lot of positive passion-generating situations. It seems like it's mostly men who are writing about passion being incompatible with long-term Relationships. Yes, there are changes in the dynamic that have confirmed hormonal changes, but it certainly is not a passion-killing situation. If it were the case, I would be gladly Forever Alone.

[crasch.livejournal.com]

How would you generate passion?

I doubt you'll be Forever Alone.

"Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it’s a warm day." --The Dilbert Principle

[istar.livejournal.com]

Har har. :) I also doubt I'll be forever alone, although it's far preferable to being in a bad relationship.

In my experience, passion comes naturally when common interests and conversation converge. I read PUA stuff regularly, and I understand that it's undesirable in the PUA community for men to share intellectual interests with the women they are interested in boinking. But that seems weird to me.

[gentlemaitresse.livejournal.com]

In my experience, passion comes naturally when common interests and conversation converge.

I agree with you, and I'd add a shared sense of humor, as well.

[adam--selene.livejournal.com]

"How would you generate passion?"

Remove comfort? ;-) Actually closer to the truth than you might think.

Absence generates passion, or rather returning from absence. Those business trips are somewhat useful.

Getting away from the comfort of home (as a couple alone) generates passion.

Passion doesn't go away, it just gets buried under other things.

In my experience anyway.

What does only last 18 months (or even much less) I'd categories as attraction-lust.

[deeptape.livejournal.com]

Agreed, it's a fire that must be tended. : )

[madbard.livejournal.com]

People who conduct studies by definition know nothing about passion. :)

[evillinn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't buy it. I think it has more to do with people in our culture believing that "successful relationship" means everything is magical and happens automatically without the person's active engagement.

A whole bunch of a lasting relationship is mundane life. But just like any other part of life, you create the best parts by taking interest in it and making it what you want. Life is life - day to day existence punctuated by the things you pursue with passion, one of which can be your relationship.

[pasquin.livejournal.com]

That's why I like to keep women in a constant state of WHATTHEFUCK.

[klrmn.livejournal.com]

learn new things, together or separately, and share them with each other
go new places, try new things together

this probably falls under the category of 'remove the comfort' adam__selene mentioned

akienm and i celebrate our 5 year aniversary next week, and while sometimes the passion isn't as obvious for a few days or couple of weeks, it's definitely still there waiting for the right opportunity.

hi, i don't know if we've met in person. i got here from traumentwerfer.